However, I must admit to being the world’s worst pill-taker.

Since Saturday has a much different format than a weekday, I completely forgot to take my pills until just as I was making lunch. And then, I’m supposed to take them on an empty stomach at least 30 minutes prior to eating. Several hours after lunch, I had forgotten again.

Ditto Sunday.

Monday, I had taken the pill bottle out of my backpack (trying to remember to take them on Sunday, but failing), so when I went to work, they were on the kitchen table. Monday = FAIL.

Ditto Tuesday.

Ugh! Stupid pills! And I’m supposed to take them in the morning. I get up about 4:45 a.m., get ready, and head off for Mass. I should try to get breakfast in, but this rarely happens. I need a better plan. And getting up earlier is not really a good option for me. I need increasing amounts of sleep lately.

Any good suggestions?

I will be so glad when this month and its Pills-for-No-Reason are OVER. :)

We talk for a couple minutes more, then she says she will have U of M call me with the appt. I verify, “Okay, Endocrine, right?”

She says, “No. Neurology. I changed my mind. You could just be really brain damaged.”

I laugh and laugh.

She says, “I’m sorry. That’s a horrible thing to say. But you seem to have a sense of humor.”

LOL!

So soon they will see just how brain damaged I am! :)

She said on the way out the door, “You have to be careful when you call here; my staff keeps wanting to send you to the ER.”

1. Broken McSickyPants
This is my new name. My medical issues have only gotten worse. I still have the continual chest pain (which has now become more pronounced) and dyspnea on exertion. Lately, we have added to the mix dizziness, incredible fatigue, nausea and that awful feeling like you are about to pass out. My doctors still don’t have a good idea of what is wrong with me, since I have been passing all of my medical tests (I guess I’ve always tested pretty well). At least the infected poison ivy spots are finally clearing up a little and healing! :) I do not feel like myself, and I hate that I can’t really do anything. Praise God, He gave me a good sense of humor and a sunny disposition. I am actually pretty happy overall.

2. On Being a Extraordinary Minister of the Eucharist
Today, we had the pleasure of having Fr. Stanley celebrate Mass with us. Since I go to daily Mass at Our Lady of Good Counsel, where he currently is at, I have been able to see him upon occasion (although he doesn’t really do the 6:30 a.m. Mass that I typically attend). Having him here at St. Anastasia for Sunday Mass was a real treat. He was my first confessor and he has a very comforting way about him. He joked about the length of his homilies as he began his homily today. I was sitting next to the girl I sponsored into the Church this year, and at one point she commented that the wooden pew was hurting her butt for some reason this week. I laughed, “You probably aren’t used to sitting in one spot for so long!” Again, picking on poor Fr. Stanley’s homily. :) In my defense, he started it! :) God gave me a wonderful gift of joy today, particularly during the Mass. I was happy that Fr. Stanley was there, but this went beyond him. As I went up to the altar and received my paten of consecrated hosts, I remember cradling the paten in my hands. I must have had some big idiotic grin on my face, but I wasn’t really worried about that. I just gazed lovingly at Jesus in my hands and thought to Him, “I love You!” I know, it sounds pretty sappy, right? But that’s okay. I don’t mind being sappy. :) I love Him. :) Sometimes I wonder what people think when they get me in line for Communion. Here I am with a huge smile on my face, handing them our Lord, and nearly petting Him into place in their hands — to make sure He gets there safely. Hopefully, they share in my joy at the presence of our Lord, and aren’t standing there thinking that I’m a little odd or something.

3. The World is Now a Safer Place!
Why? Because I finally got new tires on my car! After 1 year, 7 months, 23 days and nearly 47,000 miles of driving, it was finally time to discard the old and buy some new. Of course, the “red” tire health report card, “Change your tires IMMEDIATELY” postcard, squeaking around off-ramps in dry conditions and, finally, hydroplaning in the rain while driving straight all contributed to this decision. Perhaps that fact that I had racing slicks on my car is the reason why I got that speeding ticket a while back, earning me the name Zoomie Vroom McLawBreaker. I really liked that name, by the way. But I have been good, and have been using my cruise control until I can re-train myself to enjoy lower velocities.

4. iPhone vs. BlackBerry Tour
Ah, just when I thought that I would finally change service providers in order to get the fancy-pants new iPhone (since bundling my home internet, land line, and TV service would save me about $60 a month), I have been given pause to reconsider. On Saturday, after getting my tires changed, I walked into the Sprint store, help up my current BlackBerry and challenged, “Why should I not want to trade this in for an iPhone? Convince me!” Now, mostly, I like the iPhone for all the apps and stuff that you can get with it, and for the larger screen. The touch screen keyboard would be a hindrance to typing as you drive (just for example, not that I do this necessarily . . . . ), but it is fun for scrolling. Being able to sync to my Podcasts and iTunes is also a definite plus. I know that iPhone is compatible with my work e-mail system, so that’s not an issue either. And it can go international, which was the main reason why I picked my BlackBerry 8830 in the first place.

Now, nice things about the BlackBerry Tour include the fact that I can increase the memory by adding a micro SD card, and that they give me a 1 GB out the door. That’s pretty sweet. Then, I found out that the new BlackBerry will also have a similar capacity for apps. As an upgrade to my current phone, this one has all the same capability, but adds on a camera and video feature, which I had been missing. The screen resolution is also pretty sweet. They say it supports AAC encoding, so I shouldn’t have to convert my iTunes library, and that it might soon or already does have an app to help with syncing.

Soo…. What can the iPhone do that the Tour cannot also do? And I can still save my $60 a month, by getting rid of my second cell phone. Please discuss benefits of one over the other in the comment box.

5. This Crazy Bipolar Weather
Today it has been alternating between being sunny with puffy white clouds and torrential downpours. Seriously. We left Mass, went to CostCo, came back and it started raining like crazy, just made it in the church before we got completely soaked. Then, we had our 1.5 hour Faith Café meeting, and by the time we got out, everything had dried up! I even managed to mow the lawn when I got home! It wasn’t wet anymore! Then, just now, the rains came again. I raced out, snapped a couple pics, then . . . it was over. Sun’s peeking out again. :) Gotta love Michigan!

6. Reading Material
I am SO excited, because I have finally finished reading the entire Bible! Okay, okay, so I did this a couple weeks back, but I am still excited! I have bought myself a new Ignatius Bible, RSV translation, the leather one. Yay! Isn’t it gorgeous?! (Humor me)


My next project is to read the entire Catechism of the Catholic Church! :)

7. Blogging and Facebook
Have you guys noticed this phenomenon in your personal life? I have noticed that the more I am on Facebook, the less I blog. I’m not sure if this is a good thing or not. I tend to get more feedback from Facebook (I think my “feeds” are more read there), yet I can’t usually go into depth on any topic. I just found out how to link my blog posts to my Notes on Facebook. Let’s see if this helps any, or just confuses the matter. :)

Today, I woke up, went to Mass, went out with some friends to lunch, came home and anticipated tossing a load of laundry in the washer and uploading some pictures. Nope. Way too tired. Decided that I’d read a book in bed. Nope. Nap time. Now, it’s like 1:30 pm or so? Yeah. Woke up at 5:30 pm. Where has my weekend gone?? :(

As soon as I woke up, these lyrics were playing in my head, particularly the highlighted phrases:

“If I Am” by Nine Days

So your standing on a ledge,
It looks like you might fall.
So far down,
Or maybe you were thinking about jumping.
Now you could have it all,
If you learned a little patience!
For though I cannot fly,
I’m not content to crawl!…
So give me a little credit,
Have in me a little faith!
I want to be with you forever,
If tomorrow’s not too late!…

And it’s always too late when you’ve got nothing
So you say!…
But you should never let the sun set on tomorrow,
Before the sun rises today…

IF I AM!
Another waste of everything you dreamed of,
I will let you down…
IF I AM!
Only here to watch you as you suffer,
I will let you down…

So your walking on the edge,
And you wait your turn to fall.
But you’re so far gone,
That you don’t see the hands upheld to catch you.
And you could find the fault,
In the heart that you’ve been handed!
For though you cannot fly,
You’re not content to crawl!…

And it’s always too late when you’ve got nothing
So you say!…
But you should never let the sun set on tomorrow,
Before the sun rises…

IF I AM!
Another waste of everything you hoped for,
I will let you down…
IF I AM!
Only here to watch you as you suffer,
I will let you down…

So you’re standing on a ledge,
It looks like you might fall…

IF I AM!
Another waste of everything you dreamed of,
I will let you down…
IF I AM!
Only here to watch you as you suffer,
I will let you down…

The answers we find,
Are never what we had in mind.
So we make it up as we go along…
You don’t talk of dreams
I won’t mention tomorrow.
And we won’t make those promises that we can’t keep…

I will never leave you!
I will not let you down!
I will never leave you!
I will not let you down!

While I might be frustrated, I need to remember that God is always with me. That He is not here to watch me as I suffer. And that even crawling, we are still making progress, and the only progress worth making is that which draws us closer to being with Him forever.

After Mass, Lindsay and I went to the Troy Civic Center and played tennis for a little while. It was so much fun! We haven’t played in quite a while. The courts were completely empty, unlike the completely full ones at Athens we had first looked at. Good thing they were, because our game . . . wasn’t all that great. We ended up using all 3 courts and spent probably more time chasing the balls than actually playing. I got so out of breath so quickly, but ignored it, because I was having fun. That, and I’m too stubborn for my own good. I started to get increasingly dizzy, but I ignored this as well. After a little while, Lindsay said that she was getting tired, and that she wanted to stop for the day so that she would still have energy to do some things around her house that she wanted to get done. I was sad to stop playing, but agreed. She said that we should break me in slowly. I think we’ve already been over the fact that I’m not very good with doing things moderately. :)

I was really tired driving her back to her car and started to get very sick. I was feeling entirely awful by time I got home. I did just a couple things, then lied down for a nap. It was just before 1 pm. I woke up again sometime after 4 pm, and after doing a few light things in the bedroom to get ready to move back into my own bed — perhaps tonight — I was ready for another nap. And it had only been 30-45 minutes! This is truly getting ridiculous!

I got up again, and shortly thereafter, maybe about 5:30 pm or so, I got a phone call from Lindsay. She had cut herself with her electric hedger while trimming up some bushes and needed me to take her to the ER. You’ve probably never seen me grab my things and leave my house so quick! :) It was better than I had anticipated — thanks be to God! We went to the ER, where she got 3 stitches. We had some very yummy Chinese food for dinner, and returned to her house. I was exhausted, again. So, when Erwin showed up after karate, I left fairly soon afterward. I hate to say it, but I am probably going to go to bed again very, very shortly. :(

Looking forward to the fireworks tomorrow!!!! :)

Oh, and a quick note about the photo. Yes, it was taken after our tennis game, but no, my hair doesn’t look like that because I’m that sweaty. My hair looks like that because of the COPIOUS amounts of Oil of the Sick which Fr. Mark used on me! :)

Have a good night!

Since it’s Friday, we prayed the Sorrowful Mysteries. These are my favorite mysteries, I think because they are the only ones I have memorized. :) I offered my rosary for the intention of a few people, one in particular, and as I was praying it, I pictured them in Jesus’ place: in the garden, being scourged, being crowned with thorns, carrying the cross, being crucified. I saw myself kind of in the picture too. My heart was breaking, going out to them. It made me sad to see them suffer like that, so I was trying to take the burden from them, although I knew that it was something that they had to do and didn’t want to interfere with God’s plan. I know, kind of a weird thing to be thinking of during a rosary, right?

After the rosary, I wanted to sit next to Lynn for Mass, so we moved. As we were waiting for Mass to start, Lynn shared with me the hymn from today’s Magnificat morning prayer:

O Love of God incarnate,
our flesh, our blood, our bone,
where sin has torn and marred us,
You make our wounds your own.
You take our guilt upon you,
our burdened spirits bear;
in death you go before us,
and you await us there.
You rise, our wounds upon You,
the nail prints clearly seen,
Your ravaged side still open -
but love has washed them clean.
the pow’r that conquers evil
in You now stands revealed.
We touch You, unbelieving,
and find that we are healed.

For some reason, this really disturbed me. I didn’t want to hurt Him any more. I didn’t want Him to have to suffer for my wounds. I was horrified. I wanted to protect Him. I handed the Magnificat back to Lynn. She asked what I thought. I said something like it was scary, because I couldn’t quite articulate what I thought about it.

I sat there praying, my heart saddened at the thought of causing the Lord more pain. Mass began. It wasn’t that long into Mass that a thought or image or something popped into my head, and but the whole thing into perspective for me. Then, I was so full of joy that I was actually giggling. In the middle of Mass. It was great. I mean, I don’t want to be disruptive and stuff to people around me, but I love when God interacts with me like that. See, because it wasn’t just a random thought popping into my head, it was Him trying to teach me something. Here, I’ll share it with you:

The image which came to mind was me, as a tiny snail. I was suffering because I had a toothpick stuck in me and had this marble squishing down on me. Jesus came over to me, and asked me if I would give him my toothpick and marble. He was the size of a normal-big human person, and I was this little 1 cm or so snail. My little snail-self took a big sigh and said, no, that I didn’t want Him to hurt and that I would keep my toothpick and marble. He laughed, lovingly, at me and made a beckoning motion with his right hand, saying, “Come now, give Me them. I can take it. I am strong. They are not going to hurt Me.”

I thought of my dad, and how he would want us to work through our own issues, and would be disappointed in us if we had to come to him for help. My snail-self wavered.

I saw things from Jesus’ perspective. Here was this tiny, little snail, with a little toothpick and a little marble. Insignificant little things, really, but they were hurting the little snail. He was looking on with love, and wanted to take them away from the little snail, but he wasn’t going to take them — he wanted the snail to ask for them to be taken away. He said again, “They are not going to hurt Me. I am God. Don’t you think that I can take it? That is not what hurts me, these things. What hurts is when people turn away from Me. Please give them to Me.”

Then, I understood.

Then, my little snail-self was joyful and saying, “TAKE IT! TAKE IT! TAKE IT! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!” and offering to him gleefully my toothpick and marble. And I was washed in joy and His love. I wasn’t hurting Him, I was letting Him in — and that’s what He wants.

As an aside, at the end of Mass, Fr. Mark said that they weren’t going to be doing the Anointing at that Mass, but next Friday — which I wouldn’t be able to attend. I was disappointed, since I hadn’t been anointed for these medical things and really wanted to be. Lynn suggested that I ask him after Mass if he would anoint me, but I was hesitant — I don’t like to infringe on people’s time like that, asking for favors. Then, Lindsay said that she was going to ask him if he would hear her confession. So, she actually asked for me, by asking him if he had time to do 2 more sacraments. And so, the little snail got to give away her toothpick and her marble. :) Thanks be to God for Lynn and Lindsay. And praise God for the unimaginable love that He gives to us all, for no reason whatsoever.

I need to go on record first as saying . . . I totally deserve this. Not only was I speeding, really speeding, but I have a habit of speeding, which has been getting worse in the past few months.

Not just in the car, but it’s kind of like a theme in my life: a hundred miles an hour . . . right up until I smash into the brick wall and collapse or something. I’m usually a girl of extremes. I live passionately and fully and with great enthusiasm. I am stubborn and joyful and am a good problem-solver. I struggle with things like patience, although I don’t hold a grudge and tend to be okay with forgiveness. I love to give and I love to love — and these I do as much as I can, usually without thought to what it might cost me. (Which, of course, is not good if you are my accountant, but I really don’t care about having any money in the bank. I just hope to be able to pay my bills. After that, if I have a zero balance, but the people I care about are happy, then I’m all good with that.)

Some of these are good things, some are not. A little more balance in my life would probably, objectively, be a good thing, but I am not good with that.

I am not upset at all about my speeding ticket. I think God allowed me to get that speeding ticket. I think I probably needed to get that ticket. I tend to have little regard for my own well-being. I tend to be careless with myself, or rather, unconcerned. This frequently gets me into trouble.

Over the past month or so, I’ve had problems with chest pain and shortness of breath which have had me in and out of the ER, and even admitted to the hospital. I can’t run anymore and it takes me a lot longer to get anything done.

I think God’s trying to tell me to slow down, in a couple different ways.

No one can take my wonderful yesterday away from me! :) It is mine! And I’m keeping it! :) I don’t care how sick I am today, yesterday I was awesome. Praise God for giving me that day! :)

Here is my sick-day passage:
James 5:13-15

Is anyone among you suffering? He should pray. Is anyone in good spirits? He should sing praise. Is anyone among you sick? He should summon the presbyters of the church, and they should pray over him and anoint [him] with oil in the name of the Lord, and the prayer of faith will save the sick person, and the Lord will raise him up. If he has committed any sins, he will be forgiven.

And . . . I think I shall unite my little sufferings today to the cross of our Lord for the purposes of all of our priests on this Thursday (the day of the institution of the Priesthood) in this amazing Year of the Priest. God bless you! :)

Both yesterday and today, I have been disgustingly, sickeningly . . . happy. :)

In addition to deriving new embryonic stem cell lines, researchers will use recently developed techniques to convert adult skin cells into induced pluripotent stem cells, known as iPS cells. These reprogrammed cells display the most scientifically valuable properties of embryonic stem cells, while enabling researchers to bypass embryos altogether.

Yes, please, bypass the embryos.